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Roger's Rules?

We've all heard of Murphy's Laws - right? Well, Murphy is a punk - I've got a set of "laws" of my own that are time tested and pretty much infallible - Roger's Rules*! The rules you see below are presented in their "pure" form and perhaps a little too powerful for daily use for the uninitiated. However, with a little practice you can quickly and easily work them into conversations in ways that will have stunning results. Even in a diluted form, Roger's Rules pack a punch! Consider Roger's Rules as the universal disclaimer that can be applied to anything life throws at you. For example, you've been asked whether you can complete a project by a certain time? You simply respond 'Yes! Unless I can't.' Breathtaking isn't it? So simple, yet so powerful. You will find that by using Roger's Rules you will attain empowerment you never thought possible, unless you don't. A word of caution though, Roger's Rules are quite impactful and should only be used by those looking to get ahead in life or get themselves into trouble. Quite honestly, I can't tell which group you fall into (unless I can). So without further ado, I present:

Roger's Rules*
  • You can unless you can't.
  • You will unless you won't.
  • You are unless you aren't.
  • You do unless you don't.
  • You did unless you didn't.
  • You're there unless you're here.
  • You're here unless you're there.
  • It is unless it isn't.
  • It will unless it won't
  • It can, unless it can't
  • It's the same unless it's different.
  • And thousands of variations...!

 

Roger's Rules, also known as Roger's Aphoristic Axioms.  While technically correct, this doesn't roll right off the tongue...

 

Definitions:

roger: Someone who is here AND there at the same time. 

aphorism: A tersely phrased statement of a truth or opinion; an adage. A brief statement of a principle. A sharply defined sentence relating to abstract truth rather than to practical matters.

axiom: A self-evident or universally recognized truth; a maxim. An established rule, principle, or law. A self-evident principle or one that is accepted as true without proof as the basis for argument; a postulate.

 


 

Roger's Disclaimers: Please use these rules wisely. Do not combine Roger's Rules with certain medications or alcohol. Do not operate heavy machinery while contemplating Roger's Rules. Using Roger's Rules at work may cause promotion or demotion. Or neither, or both, unless it does (or doesn't). Using Roger's Rules at home may result in equally unpredictable results. Roger's Rules cannot restore lost hair nor improve your libido (most likely you'll experience an inverse affect). Your results may vary. Practice, practice, practice. Only then, grasshopper, will you be able to snatch the pebble from my hand.

 

Roger's Rules :: Copyright 1994 ©